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Posts Tagged ‘change’

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We have reached the month of October, the month in which my whole life changed. It’s coming up to a year now when my husband and I made the decision to walk away from everything that was familiar and step into the unknown.  I wish I could say that I handled the year with grace, patience, and courage at all times, but I can’t claim that.  I have had my moments of courage, but I’ve also had my times of terror, anger, and impatience.

I was hoping that my husband would have had a job by now and that I would be settled into a permanent position at our non-profit, or at least hanging out in my coffee shops writing the sequel to Redemption of Adi, but that just isn’t the case. The future is still very unclear.

As much as I hate this agonizing waiting period and often argue with God about it, I have to admit that I see God’s hand in it. I just recently saw the movie God Is Not Dead (must see) and in it two characters would repeat this mantra, “God is good all the time and all the time God is good.” Even though I’m feeling tired and irritable from the instability, my faith still hangs onto the fact that God is good ALL the time.  He knows the future and that’s all that really matters.

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“Father, will you catch me?” I implored God back in October. What I didn’t mention in my post at the time was what prompted my pleadings with him. It has been, well, I don’t really know how to describe the last few months, maybe a grieving period with a hope towards a different kind of future.

To make a long story short, let me just summarize- last spring we were introduced to a group of people, who I now lovingly refer to as Issaquah’s hidden treasures. This group consists of drug-addicted teens and homeless youth. They are a rough bunch, very distrusting. We call them the Trail Kids because they all hang out at a trail across from the highschool. My husband and I “fell in love” with them and God ignited within our hearts a passion to make a difference in their lives. This led us to the ultimate leap of faith that we’ve ever had to make.

My husband resigned as pastor of our church that we had started 10 years ago. We exchanged the comforts of a steady income for financial instability. Feelings were mixed about our decision to help these kids, some thought we were crazy and distanced themselves from us, while others thought we were heroes of faith. All I know is that God led us into this new life and I am so thankful for it.

I wish I could say that I was strong and never wavered, but that’s not true. There were scary moments when our heat ran out during the coldest week of winter and our family had to huddle together to keep warm. It was difficult watching the fuel in our car go below the level and praying that we would make it to wherever we needed to be. For the first time in our marriage, it was humbling to call our bill companies, and tell them that we could not pay. Through all of this, though, God kept our food stocked. This was extremely important for our diabetic daughter. He made sure that we never had to worry about that. On top of just surviving, we both struggled with grief. Grieving for the loss of our church, the loss of friends, and the loss of stability. I have been thrown into utter confusion with the newness of everything – new church, new job (after 15 years of not working to now having a job), new friends, and a whole new ministry in which I know very little about. With all of this change, I’ve struggled with putting two sentences together to make a coherent thought. All I could do, was to write down my random conversations with God as I tried to make sense of everything. After 7 months, God provided a job for me and a part-time subbing job for my husband. Even though things are still financially tight, we are hopeful. Grief has subsided as hope and love for these young people have grown.

I invite you to follow my journey and join me in laughter and tears as we enter into this territory of drug-addiction and homelessness. For more information on the new outreach that my husband and I, and 3 others have started, go to http://www.thetrailyouth.com/info.

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